if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
