And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
