Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
