Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Acid is not a monday night drug
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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