she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
