we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize