You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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