I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
