You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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