dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
