Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
