Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
