My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
