fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Randomize
