my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
50% drunk capacity currently
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
