I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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