The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
