Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
