I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
