There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
