She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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