I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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