Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
