marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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