I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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