You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
