how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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