well you can't waste a boner
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
