I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
