So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize