the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
