can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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