why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
