Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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