i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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