There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
