life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
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