Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
