In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
