he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
