k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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