My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Soap is not a condiment
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
