The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
