I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
