CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
