ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
These tits shall not be calmed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
