hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
