my mouth tastes like poor choices
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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