Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
