I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
