i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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