Me. At least after what I've been through.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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