roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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