What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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