my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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