She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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