please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
