Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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