ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
