he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
