she smelled like a LAN party
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
