Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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