Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
