There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
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And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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