question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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