Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
