We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
