My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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